People often tell me that I don't act like I care enough.

This is why I make such a horrible girlfriend, or a friend in general.
I just don't act like I care, even though I do. I remain neutral on the outside, mainly for two reasons.

1. I don't want to show you how much you hurt me, because I care for you so much.
2. I don't want to show you how much I care for you, because I'm scared you could hurt me.

If someone decides that they don't want to be a part of my life anymore, I don't chase them, no matter how much I want them to come back. I don't show them how much it hurts me to see them leave.  It's not just because I want to appear strong and independent, but also because I don't want them to be burdened with the broken pieces of myself that they left behind.

If I love someone and care about them, I have a hard time expressing it. I don't want to scare people off by telling how much I need them in my life, because the truth is, I would be completely lost without every single one of my loved ones, but that does not mean that I need to use them as a crutch, and I don't want them to feel that way. I have also learned that if I brag about the things that I cherish, they will often be taken away from me.

Yes, this often times makes people in my life feel unwanted and unappreciated... And I'm sorry, because I've tried to show affection. It has never ended well. 

Every time you tell me that I make you feel like trash because I don't act like I care about you, it makes me feel like I've failed you, even though I'm trying my absolute hardest to always be there for you. I don't want to hurt you anymore. Please just know that I care about you with everything that I have, but also accept that I can't always show it.